Code blue

What a beautiful morning. I can feel the heat from the sunny window on my face as I look out briefly to take a quick mental break. We haven't had a warm day over 70F in almost 6 months and I am stuck at work. I must walk outside today only to feel the warmth for but a brief moment.
The sound in the background is the ventilator alarming. It's alarming because it is not connected to the patient. The doctors are bagging him with 100% oxygen through his breathing tube. We are in the middle of a code blue in the Surgical ICU. I help by getting a few meds for the administration nurse but mostly watch as the doctors give cpr on the patient's chest. I know he is not going to make it because he is not responding to a big epi dose and he is maxed on 3 pressors. Life is taken granted sometimes by a lot of people. It's been a long time since we've had a code which is good for the patients. But everytime it happens it makes me examine my own life and wonder what would happen to my family if I was no longer around. I am sure they would be fine. It's a thought I don't like to think much about. I am one not to take life for granted. I like to think I am a Tigger and not an eeyore - referring to the one college professor who is stricken with pancreatic cancer and made the Last Lecture. Anyway, I leave the room and a family member is sitting just outside as she sees staff run in and out. Within a couple minutes the code is called (Tuesday Apr 15).